Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Randomize
