you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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