Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
