note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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