if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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