We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
