I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
