the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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