I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
