We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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