I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
