I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
