i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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