I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
