My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
