I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
