I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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