I'm gonna have a badass scar
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
