I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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