i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize