Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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