He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
