We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
