the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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