Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
