everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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