the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i out mim tonsoeep
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
