Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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