oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
