And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
