So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
