I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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