Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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