he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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