i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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