Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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