Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
