I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
