My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
