oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
