So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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