yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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