i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
