brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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