Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
