I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
