I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
