dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize