I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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