I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
