I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
