His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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