i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
