I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
