he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
