your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
