if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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