I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
