do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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