If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
