I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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