Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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