***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
