it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
