i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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