In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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