hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
