So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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