do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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