We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
