So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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