Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
