Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
