I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
