ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
